Day 24: Something you've learned

I've learned that I am my own worst enemy, and my own greatest lover.

I am constantly nagging at myself to be better, but when it comes right down to it, I don't have the willpower to change myself. I have plenty of energy, but plenty of other things I'd rather do with it. It's a miracle that I'm even able to do my laundry today, because I'd rather be playing The Sims 2 forever. I've also gotten into this bad habit of reading the blogs of people I don't (read: "shouldn't") care about... And I dwell on the past... and wonder if there was anything I could have done differently to make my life today better. And what does that get me? Nothing. A little depressed, maybe. Because nobody can change the past.

But speaking of nobody: NOBODY can love you the way you want them to. Except you. Which is why I'm trying to enter myself into a state of higher self love. If that means I need to be a bit conceited sometimes, I will. Obviously loving yourself is way different that being loved by someone else, but I've learned that you can't always count on that someone to be there for you... That's really pessimistic of me, I'm sorry, but in my experience, that's been the case. Especially in my community (yes, I'm working the gay angle in). It's extremely hard to find a romantic partner in this area because it's hard to tell whether or not this cute guy on the train is looking for something special, or just looking for his next screw. Four times out of five, it's the latter. And that makes it hard for us normal homos who just want to find someone to love us as much as we love ourselves. We give and give and give, and just want a little get in return, rather than having our feelings squandered on someone who says he loves you one day, and ditches you the next.

In case you haven't noticed, this is my VOMIT OF FEELINGS BLOG. I'm done now. I'm not upset or anything, it's just something I wanted to get off my chest.

In summary: Love yourself first, because you know how you want to be loved. Any other love you get is just the icing on the cake. And who doesn't love cake?

I love cake,
Ash