Day 10: Something you're afraid of

Again, I can't help but feel like my title is grammatically incorrect... but I'm just copying and pasting, y'all.

So. Many. Things. I'm afraid of lot's. And that's sad. And they're small things that I should be able to conquer easily. Like my mom. She's fearless.

I suppose some of my more minor fears are just phobias. Acrophobia (heights), arachnophobia (spiders), hippopottomonstroquipidalleophobia (fear of big words) (that was a joke).

A few are a bit more severe: I get anxious in new environment, primarily due to the fact that I feel like I'm being judged. I discussed this a bit in another post earlier. Thanks again to my mother, because I'm slowly being able to enter a new environment. While I still have that nagging judged feeling, I try to ignore it, because, really, I'm the one judging myself and projecting this on to others. Hell, I may break one of my resolutions and go to a gay bar with that in mind... or not... I just made myself anxious.

Scared shitless, but less and less each day,
Ash

I thought I'd just say...

My mom is currently reading my blog. Right now. As I type. So I thought I'd say that I love her. That is all.

Momma's boy and proud,
Ash

Day 9: A favorite picture of a best friend

Oh hell... I hate the days that ask me to single out just one person... So I won't do it.

I kind of have lots of best friends, yet none at all. Some may consider me their best friend, but I just have friends. I love my friends dearly, like they were my own family, but I feel to call any of them "best friends" would be to place them above any other. I have some favorite pictures with several friends, however, and I'll put them all here. (In no particular order... this image uploader is effed up...)

 This is Lisha, who also happens to have a blog and also happens to be doing the Thirty-Day bloggity blog. When this photo was taken (at Disneyland, bitches!!!), we still didn't know each other very well, but I'm really glad to have gotten to know her. She's a sweet spirit, who can play a mean round of Mario Party...

 Rachel was an Ambassador with me at our junior college. I knew the second I met her that we'd be friends. I wasn't wrong! This girl is the most driven I've ever known. She went on to be Student Gov't president, worked three jobs in the community, and managed to keep all her schooling on lock. She's pretty much an inspiration to me.

 This beautiful creature is Davina. She was one of my Silks instructors, and a damn hard one at that. Warm-up alone was always enough to make me want to die, but she kept on you, and encouraged you to continue. She went on to co-own a company of dancers, both aerial and not, that have performed all over Utah!

 Scotty... Scotty, Scotty, Scotty... What to say about Scotty? First of all, he was my very first roommate. We lived together for about 5 months, and it was the best 5 months of my entire schooling career... maybe even my life. We turned our dorm into the Ravenclaw common room. We even had to tell each other riddles for the other to enter. Scotty made me never want to have roommates again, because nobody could EVER compare to the amazing-ness that he was.

 Oh, Annie. What can I say about my very first Silks instructor (other than the fact that she rocks the Wicked Witch of the West!)? She was so amazing. In a studio that focused on fitness, she really rocked everyone's world by telling people to feel music, and dance with it. When you're working every muscle in your body to stay aloft, fitness comes naturally. It's when you're feeling your movements and turning them into dance that you being to have fun. She co-owns an aerial company with Davina, one that I hope to join when I'm more skilled.

 Farrah! This girl. She was another one of those "take one look, yep, we're friends". She was one of the first people to show me that, just because she's LDS, doesn't mean she can't love everyone. She found out about my sexuality very early in our friendship, but was never affected by it. She just saw it as a part of me. And I felt the same way about her religion. In a culture that is dominated by one religion, where the members wear it on their sleeves, base their every thought and action on it, it's hard not to put them all in a little box and slide it under the bed. Farrah was the person I couldn't put in a box. Because she was just awesome.

Preston (middle). Oh, Preston... What are we going to do with him? I love him dearly. Preston and I were unlikely friends at first, due to our mutual dislike of other homosexuals. He and I both see them (and this is me, putting people in boxes again) as the stereotypical, sex-driven, effeminate, douchebags. I think it was due to this mutuality that we made pretty fast friends.

And then there's Monica (right). Monica and I have been friends for seven years now, which is a long time for someone who moves a lot. I don't even know where to begin to describe her. There are only a few stand-alone words that will do the job: Awesome. Dramatic (not always a bad thing, y'all). Loud. Wonderful. Mutable. Mutable (adj): Liable to change. This girl has watched me changing for seven years, and I always thought it strange that she didn't really do much of the same. But lately, I'm seeing change, and I like it. I think she hit her transformation a little late, but she's finally starting to realize who she is, and I feel honored that I get to be here to experience this.

So yes, not best friends, just friends. But in my mind, if you're a "friend" it means I love you dearly and I would do anything for you. And these are just a few. I have so many more that I may not have pictures with, but have so many precious memories of. You know who you are (Sara, Kelton, Jan, Melissa, anyone I've ever danced with, just to name a few more...).

So much love,
Ash

Day 8: A place I've travelled to

I feel like my title is improper grammar...

Anyway. Strike one. I missed yesterday, so here it is, and Day 9 shall come later today.

I've not really done a whole lot of traveling... I've done a lot of moving! My dad was in the navy, so we moved coast to coast several times. But I have taken a few trips I suppose. My most recent was a trip to Los Angeles for a magical video conference called VIDCON! The entire trip was beautiful... Except, perhaps, the cab ride through the slums back to the airport after the conference... Scary. We stayed in the Hyatt in Century City, a shining beacon of glory in LA. That's also where the entire event took place. All the while, I'm being bombarded with posters and studio numbers and all these things that were crying out to my little dancer heart, "LIVE HERE! Tear your return trip plane ticked in half, do the homeless thing, get a job, and move here!" The only thing that stopped me was my duty to the dance company that I was in at the time.

I wish I had pictures to show you... but I don't... I don't even know if I brought my camera to the event... Weird.

Full of wanderlust,
Ash

Day 7: Favorite movies

This thirty days feels like it's going by so slow for some reason. We're only on Day 6?!

*Update: despite the previous comment and the URL for this particular post, this blog was actually Day 7.

I'm excited about today's blog, favorite movies, because I finally decided that I have one! It only took me 21 years to decide...

 Some might say that The Nightmare Before Christmas is my favorite, and from ages four to, like, 15, it was, and still is in my top ten, purely out of nostalgia. I grew up watching that movie every day for years. YEARS! And I can still watch it, quote it, sing along with it. I love it.

So then, for a while, my favorite movie was Spirited Away. I loved the details and the art of the film, and the story is really imaginative, even though you have to watch it four times to get it all.

And then I saw this piece of beauty, Howl's Moving Castle. In Miyazaki tradition, the film is rich in details, very fantastic story, and, of course, super confusing plot. It's another movie you have to watch a few times, and almost make up your own story to put the pieces together. I feel like the reason I didn't understand some of it was because the story is originally Japanese, and their culture has their own myths and beliefs. I think if a Japanese person were to watch this film, they'd understand perfectly. Not to mention, a lot is lost in translation, literally, because they have to alter a lot of words to make the English dub fit with the film. I was still loath to call this movie my favorite, however, because as much as I loved it, it didn't cry out to me and tell me that this was my movie.

Thank God for Netflix. It's buggy, it doesn't work a lot of the time, and you can rarely actually find something you wanted to watch, but sometimes there's this shining gem in the darkness that calls out and begs for you to watch it. Ladies and Germs, I give you, my favorite movie:

This move makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me hate, and makes me fall in love. It also has a magical feel to it that leaves me begging this world to reveal it's mysticism. (You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one...) This movie is loosely based on the Shakespearean play A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Plot Summary (SPOILERS, mah bad...)

Tanner Cohen's character, Timothy, is a gay student in an all boys academy. He's mercilessly picked on by his classmates, with only two advocates in the school, Mrs. Tebbit and Johnathan, the latter being Timothy's crush. Timothy can't see that Johnathan isn't actually a bully, however, and avoids him like the rest of his classmates. Timothy has two other friends, Frankie and Max. Frankie is an artsy type: plays guitar, writes songs, makes her own clothes; and Max is your typical guy-friend: supportive to Timothy, tries to be compassionate about the bullying. Max and Frankie are secretly in love, but won't tell each other. Mrs. Tebbit approaches Timothy after class one day with an invitation to be in the senior play: her own recreation of A Midsummer Night's Dream. He grudgingly accepts, and she gives him a script that is different than those of the rest of the class. This special book gives Timothy a spell that gives him Puck's flower. He uses it on his crush, of course, then on his tormenters, making them fall in love with each other. Remember, this is an all boy's school. Hilarity ensues, until those not under the spell begin accusing Mrs. Tebbit of causing all the change of heart, going so far as to blame Shakespeare ("Shakespeare was queer too!"). She finally tells Timothy that he needs to reverse the spell on the night of the play, and return the townspeople to their former loves. He does so, realizing that Johnathan will no longer love him. After the play however, we see Timothy sitting at a vanity in the dressing room removing his makeup, when Johnathan comes from behind him and kisses him. Even though he'd been under the spell, he still had feelings for Timothy, and now was free to express them, for his classmates and townsfolk are no longer the bigoted asses they once were.

Sigh. This is the movie I wish could be my life. I love it so much. At the very end, Mrs. Tibbit is seen collecting the flower and says to the camera, "Who's next?"

I'm next,
Ash

Happy New Year! I can haz rezsolushunz?

Yes, it's your favorite time of year again! Time to make those resolutions to get fit, get organized, and go back to school for that next degree! Psych! You're not going to do any of those things this year, and neither am I! So this year I'm setting some realistic goals for myself that are achievable while still challenging myself. Ready? Go.

1. I'm never going to a gay bar or club again. They're not my scene. I'd much rather go to a regular bar or club. There I know at least SOMEONE would talk to/hit on me, even if it is a woman. At a gay bar, I'm ignored the whole night. Even by those I went with. There are two exceptions to this rule: I go with a female friend, or I go with someone I'm in a relationship with (and even then I'd be freaking out that the mass of shirtless, sweaty bodies would explode his little head and he'd leave me for some manwhore...)

2. I'm going to take more chances socially. If I see someone I want to talk to, I'll talk to them. If I see someone cute, I'll flirt. I'm done being shy. That's the one thing about that hasn't changed since high school. College broke down the walls around me, but I need to really clear the rubble away, because I'm still searching for places to hide.

3. I'm going to work as much as possible. When I'm working, I'm not spending money. In fact, I'm making it! Duh. But if I set aside excessive amounts of play time, I'll end up spending my paychecks and living one to the other like I have all my life. It's time I seriously committed to saving. It's the only way I'll get to pay off my student loans, my dental bill, my one of my ex's, and finally move out, whether just into the city, or to the East Coast.

4. I hate the resolution to get fit. Hate it. But I really do need to lose weight and I want to start getting toned. So instead of just trying to get fit, I'm going to find somewhere to do Aerial Silks again. I may even buy my own and build a rig in the back yard, if that's what it takes. I want to exceed at Silks, and in doing so, I'll be making myself sexy(er)!

5. Should I find myself in a relationship this year, I'm going to give it my 110%, nothing held back. I'm going to love with all my heart. Sure, getting hurt... well, hurts... but it's what you do after the hurt that really defines you. And if you didn't give it your all, then you probably deserved to get hurt anyway, right?

Let me know a few of your New Year's Resolutions in the comments below.

I love you all, 110%,
Ash

Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy

So. Many. Things. In this life make me happy. Get ready for blog-splosion.

Dancing makes me happy. Dancing to Phantom makes me happier. Yes, that's me.

Dancing to Smoke Gets In Your Eyes made me so happy I couldn't stand it. She was cute.

More Phantom-y goodness.

She was so beautiful in this role.

Dancing to Boogie Shoes with her was SO MUCH FUN.

Our Boogie Shoes made me so happy I could die.

Zelda, in all its forms, makes me happy.

Scientific humor makes me happy.

Oppressive religious humor makes me happy.

Gay related humor at the expense of an idiot presidential candidate makes me happy.

Not sure where this came from, but it makes me happy.

ZOMG. Kitties make me happy!

Especially this one! SO HAPPY!

Tanner Cohen makes me happy.

So. Very. Happy.

Tanner Cohen being my boyfriend would make me so happy I could explode.

Taylor Lautner makes me happy, even if this People cover is fake. (But let's be honest, he's really gay.)

Two things here make me happy: Kissing boys, and protesting bigots.

Bromance makes me happy!

Nerdy boys make me happy.

Zachary Quino, AKA Spock, makes me happy! (He's gay, y'all!)

Although whats-her-face Black doesn't make me very happy, the thought of her going to Hufflepuff does!

This would make me happy if it ever happened...

This makes me happy, because that's totally me.

Zefron. Zefron makes me happy...

Zefron again. Yes, that's him on the right. So. Happy.

Okay folks. Thanks for bearing with me there. But that's just a small taste of what makes me happy. I try to love life as often as I can because choosing to hate everything just makes you sad.

You make me so happy,
Ash